Written by Sara Cate Galasso
Elesh Norn, the praetor of the white-alligned faction of Phyrexia from Magic: The Gathering, is referred to as the Praetor of Unity, the Mother of Machines, and the Grand Cenobite. A lot of nicknames for one being, perhaps, but when you’re as powerful as this overseer of the Machine Orthodoxy, you’ve earned every one of them. Elesh Norn does more than just rule over all sects of the Machine Orthodoxy, however. In her quest to unify all of Phyrexia under a single banner through indoctrination, she also serves tremendous looks. Enormous statement headdress made of porcelain-like metal? Iconic. Flowing crimson train carried behind her by suture priests? Timeless. Exposed musculature sections dripping with oil? Girl, slay. This pioneering praeter may want to indoctrinate all life in Dominaria with her Phyrexian beliefs, but you can’t really be mad about it when she looks this good doing it. We took a few minutes to talk with her about her plans to infect all organic life as we know it.
Interviewer: First of all, huge fan, love the headdress. That straight-across-bangs look is so in right now. So, Elesh Norn. To what do you owe your recent success as the Praetor of Unity?
Standing stoically behind the great stone dias of her sacred basilica, Elesh Norn cuts an impressive figure in white and red.
Elesh Norn: Phyrexia is a single entity. The Machine Orthodoxy is the only path to ultimate unification. There is no choice but to fall to your knees and welcome its embrace.
Interviewer: I see. So while most people say their success comes from hard work, or luck, you’re saying that there is no other alternative to your triumphs, that your success is just an inevitable fact. That’s very bold. How do you feel about your role as the Mother of Machines? From an outside observer, you seem to be quite comfortable in your own skin.
Elesh Norn: Skin is an unholy abomination. The living flesh that binds it to weak organic bodies must be stripped. Then, with the gift of mechanical compleation, all may join us in total unification of our divine purpose and will.
Interviewer: Interesting. So you prefer to go against what is popular, and forge your own path instead, is that what you mean? That’s the mark of a true revolutionary, I always say. So what is the secret to that white glow of yours? Is it this oil that you’re always going on about?
Elesh Norn: The glistening oil is sacred. It is pure and infallible. It erases useless human attachments, like memory or desire. It turns chaotic, organic minds into perfect patterns.
Interviewer: It’s true, bestie, you can never go wrong with a classic pattern, it’s a timeless look. Do you ever fear that your moment in the limelight may one day come to a close?
Elesh Norn: I am Regent of Phyrexia. I am perfection personified. I fear nothing.
Interviewer: Well put. You gotta love the confidence. So, one final question for you: where do you see the future of your faction going? What kind of things can we expect to see from it in the coming months?
Elesh Norn: Our glorious infection has taken hold. May our blessings sever the tongues of the forsaken.
Interviewer: I love it. So raw. So real. Only a true icon could say something with such authority. Well, thank you for your time, I’ll let you and the vat priests get back to it now. Keep slaying, queen!
Want a little piece of Elesh Norn’s iconic look for yourself? Then grab an Elesh Norn figurine from the Vault! This Legendary-sized vinyl figure stands nearly 6 inches tall, even larger than normal Vault figures! With hands (claws?) on her hips and a single exposed leg like Angelina Jolie at the 2012 Oscars, this style-savvy praetor is as fierce as she is fearsome. But don’t let the flowing red robes or spiky shoulder pads detract from the true signature element of her look: the giant bone-like metal blades that sweep sharply across her face. Girl, yes. Will she strut down the runway or strip the flesh from your bones? Either way, she’s serving it up Phyrexian-style, and we’re eating every last bite! Also available are MTG’s Sliver and Myr; collect them all and build your own army of adorable creatures to command!
